Your mouth is God's brothel.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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