this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
