I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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