Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
