dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize