It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Ketchup is God's man juice
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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