ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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