i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize