While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
