I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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