I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
