you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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