i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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