I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
