She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
