you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i came on her dog
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I stole a fireplace last night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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