She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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