the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
