Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
People in love make me want to vomit
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
