i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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