Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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