So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We need a shit load of segways right now
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
