I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
im six kinds of drunk right now
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
