He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
