White coat. Heels.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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