do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Blood and glitter go together right?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
