im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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