i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
