YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
