she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
