I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
