he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just found a bag of teeth...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize