reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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