I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
