a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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