AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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