I have demons in me.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize