bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
