Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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