Ambien. No doubt about it.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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