Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize