OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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