I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
