At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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