Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
