I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So gin and wine won't be happening again
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
When did angry sex become our thing?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
