Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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