im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
