Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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