the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
