it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
