I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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