whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize