i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
