we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
