I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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