They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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