someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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