it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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