Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
