I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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