i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
