I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my being single is dangerous.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
