i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
