its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
